SCHEDULE HAPPINESS

It’s always exciting meeting with someone you hit it off with. You swap numbers, someone calls the other someone and you make date.
That’s where busy people hit the social brick wall.
“Yeah I’d like to catch up. No Wednesday’s no good and weekends are booked up for me for the next three weeks. I could do the following Wednesday though? You have something on? OK, how about the Thursday, no next week Thursday, the Thursday after that – two weeks?”
It’s not exactly the way to start a beautiful friendship.
You need to give yourself some wiggle room.
If you like the person, you will make the time to see them sooner rather than later.
Still think you’re too busy?
US President Barack Obama (he’s a pretty busy bloke) sets aside some “Michelle time” each day. And look at KerrBloom-Miranda and Orlando. Busy, important and able to make time to see each other.

NEXT PROBLEM

So, you made some wiggle room and you’ve even found some time to wiggle together.
But making time for love is not just an issue for singles.
Like attracts like, which ,means busy, active, sociable people often tend to hook up with other busy, active and sociable people.
And between all the lovey-dovey wiggling, the social engagements suddenly double.
You’re in a couple now, and there’s twice as many dinners/birthdays/shows/family dos to get to. Suddenly your Sunday bike ride and Monday yoga class are memories and you’re struggling to find any time for yourself or even to spend as a couple.
If not managed, this can put strain on a relationship in its vulnerable early stages.
It’s crucial that couples spend one-on-one time together in the courtship and getting-serious phase so they can get to know each other and build trust and a connection.
Time together, time alone, time with your friends, time with friends as a couple. It adds up to a lot of time.
SO how can it be managed?
Naked diary sessions are a fun way to start.
During your diary session, pick one night a week that you can both agree on to be your regular date night for just the two of you.
This way, when making your own social plans, you’ll know not to schedule anything else on that night.
In the early stages of a relationship, try fun, novel things together – it takes the pressure off having to hold an entire conversation over dinner.

REMEMBER YOU

The other things to remember is to maintain your individuality. You don’t have to to everything together.
In fact, it’s better to be a bit unavailable now and then.
You need to maintain a sense of independence.
Keep doing the things you’ve always done for yourself-classes, me time, nights out with friends.
This gives you a chance to miss your new beau and a chance to talk about them with your friends.

BOREDOM-FREE ZONED
Dating a carbon copy of yourself can be familiar and comfortable – you like the same food, music and style, and there’s never going to be fights for the remote control. But, after a while, it becomes a bit of yawn.
Opposite stimulate and challenge each other. There’s friction, passion and excitement which can all translate into long-term happiness.

DIFFERENT STROKES

But what happens when opposites clash (which they inevitably will?
According to a relationship consultant, each person needs to respect the other’s view, no matter how far removed it seems from their own.
Wanting your partner to agree with your look, stock and barrel smacks of control freak.
It’s OK to love one another and still have a difference of opinion. In fact, a couple can manage a lot of differences if they respect and listen to each other.
It’s when one asserts that the other is wrong that troubles appear.
Your differences aren’t the problem – it’s the way you treat one another.
For all their differences, opposites in successful relationships will almost always share core values – respect, trust, fidelity, attitudes to finances. The trick is to nurture what you have in common while staying open-minded and positive about your differences – however major they might be.
In the long run. being with an opposite can be good for the individual. It opens you both up to new experiences and perspectives.

I don’t mean to get all Sinead O’Connor, counting seven hours and 15 days since my partner took his love away. For starters, I’d look terrible with a shaved head a la the Irish singer and it’s not like he took his love away forever – just 7000km away to work overseas.

So the long distance relationship has me counting not only kilometers, but also months, weeks and days.
I haven’t quite got to hours and minutes, but if I see another couple kissing passionately, even just holding hands, I might have to start counting to distract myself lest I start Humming Nothing Compares 2U.
At least I know I’m not alone.
Thanks to career, lower-priced airfares, family commitments and financial pressure, long-distance relationships are increasing.

Plenty of other people know that when you’re separated from your partner it can begin to feel like nothing compares to your issues.

Global financial crisis, terrorist attacks and swine flu? Forget it. I’m more concerned that I just hung up from another long-distance phone call feeling lonely, sad and a little insecure because my partner was too busy at work to spend much time chatting to me.

The thing about long-distance relationship is you can be fiercely independent, confident and possessed until the wrong tone of voice ends a phone call; until you hear about someone new in your partner’s social sphere; until you can’t get in touch with your partner when you need to chat; until you want to get physical in a way that Skype just can’t help; and until you try to resolve a disagreement without a hug.

Holding on to your sense of security and happiness in a relationship can be difficult when you don’t have those all-important physical cues for reassurance – a smile, a hug.

You end up in a kind of no-man’s land. You’re alone, but not single or fancy free, you end up at work functions, movies and sometimes even concerts on your own.
Then there’s the inevitability that your partner will make new friends and have new experiences without you; that you could be nervous and a little stiff when you meet again; and that at some stage you’ll have a conversation with a friend that includes the phrases: “I don’t know how you do it”, “Wow you must have huge phone bills” and “How do you know how he’s not cheating on you?
The only one of those worth worrying about is the phone bills.
When your best friend and lover walks out of that departure gate, it’s time to get off the mainstream networks and use phone cards and VoIP, otherwise you’ll end up with no money as well as no partner.

As for worrying about your partner cheating on you or thinking about how you “do” it, put that out of your mind. If your partner was going to cheat on you, they could do it whether you were living together and there’s no way to “do” a long-distance relationship, you just get through it little by little.

MAKE IT WORK
So how do you make a long-distance relationship work?
Be realistic: Understand that it’s sometimes going to be difficult and will always take patience and commitment.
Agree to enter into a long-distance relationship only if you have a solid foundation with your partner and know that you share trust, respect and love.
Have the tough conversation about what you want from the relationship and be clear about how it’s going to work – will you be committed to each other exclusively? How often will you communicate? How often will you travel to see each other? Will one of you consider relocating? How long are you prepared to go long distance?
Stay in touch: Once you’ve said your teary goodbyes (there’s nothing like crying on the shoulder of a Customs official to make you feel better), it’s communication time. Getting in touch with your partner shouldn’t stop at phone calls.
Try photos, videos, emails, notes, letters and present sent in the mail and inexpensive surprises.
My biggest hit? Sending a piece of paper for Valentine’s Day with a high school-style note with checkboxes asking: will you be my Valentine? Tick one for yes; tick two for yes.
Love your independence: Use your spare time to achieve career goals, exercise, learn a new skill or hobby and catch up with friends.
There’s something to be said for a relationship that’s strong enough to deal with distance and I promise, the post-abstinencw sex is good. Very good. Nothing compares 2 that.

IN THE BEGINNING
You know how it is; you’re wondering how and where they are and suddenly you’re trawling through 80 pages of namesakes- IT specialists, basketball players and some university professor who’s just written a paper on a coldsore cure.
Never a quitter, you plough on and before you know it, you’re singed up as a fully fledged cyber-stalker.

CYBER SLEUTH
So, why is it so irresistible? Ideally it’s a low-risk, civilized way of sleuthing someone without them knowing about it.
It’s more challenging than Friends Reunited, but no investment is needed in terms of contact.
On the darker side, we run the risk of discovering (if we still care) that out erstwhile lovers’ lives didn’t stop when we/they kicked them/us out.

NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS
Googling barely confirms someone’s existence. So what if we draw an absolute blank?
Some said it’s always quite satisfying when you don’t actually find anything. Others gone online a few times to look up a particular lowlife who adid the dirty on them and then finding nothing on them sort of confirming to herself that no what a no-mark loser the other party was.

HIT AND MISS
Which implies there’s some sort of kudos attached to a Google hit.
Not always so.
According to a 29 years old woman, “I googled my ex and found a story from a local paper about him being convicted for drug offenses and burglary, which was sad, but not exactly a surprise.”
Googling “the one who got away” can become dangerous, especially if it becomes an obsession.
It’s one thing to find out, say, that he’s recently been on a charity trek to India or to look up his holiday snaps.
It’s quite another if you start Googling him daily.

FATAL ATTRACTION
A computer-savvy marketing manager is ashamed to say she’s gone even further.
“I found myself digging up information on a gorgeous bloke I had a torrid fling with and his girlfriend. I discovered photos of her and became obsessed. Then I figured out a way of deleting the pictures from the website.”
But be careful – what seems like an innocent search might open a painful can of worms if unreconciled feelings still lurk.
Another girl got a shock when she was Googled by her first true love.
“We’d been together for a few years when I was 16, but it all ended when he two-timed me with my best-friend.
“I moved away and started running a business.
“He tracked me down last year via my website and we met. He said the day day I dumped him was the worst day of his life. It blew my mind, but we’re both married with kids and it’s in the past.”

BLOG OFF
And what of the boom in blogging, where people choose to lay bare their innermost workings for public consumption?
For a guy, who was 30, it was a case of too much information.
“I googled my (now) ex-girlfriend when were still together. She had a blog and to my horror was talking about what a jerk I was and how she banging on about how good the sex with the other person,” a guy said.
It all goes to show that, when we Google, we might find out a few things we didn’t bargain for.
Let’s face it, there’s nothing wrong with casually looking up on an old flame to see what’s happened to them.
But if you’re still feeling bitter, sad or obsessed, you could develop an e-stalking habit what’s hard to break.
In which case: switch off that machine, build a bridge and just get over it.