Michelle Read of mXFlirt, an article telling how to survive the dreaded LDR ( long-distance relationship. I’m an avid fan of this column.

I don’t mean to get all Sinead O’Connor, counting seven hours and 15 days since my partner took his love away. For starters, I’d look terrible with a shaved head a la the Irish singer and it’s not like he took his love away forever – just 7000km away to work overseas.

So the long distance relationship has me counting not only kilometers, but also months, weeks and days.
I haven’t quite got to hours and minutes, but if I see another couple kissing passionately, even just holding hands, I might have to start counting to distract myself lest I start Humming Nothing Compares 2U.
At least I know I’m not alone.
Thanks to career, lower-priced airfares, family commitments and financial pressure, long-distance relationships are increasing.

Plenty of other people know that when you’re separated from your partner it can begin to feel like nothing compares to your issues.

Global financial crisis, terrorist attacks and swine flu? Forget it. I’m more concerned that I just hung up from another long-distance phone call feeling lonely, sad and a little insecure because my partner was too busy at work to spend much time chatting to me.

The thing about long-distance relationship is you can be fiercely independent, confident and possessed until the wrong tone of voice ends a phone call; until you hear about someone new in your partner’s social sphere; until you can’t get in touch with your partner when you need to chat; until you want to get physical in a way that Skype just can’t help; and until you try to resolve a disagreement without a hug.

Holding on to your sense of security and happiness in a relationship can be difficult when you don’t have those all-important physical cues for reassurance – a smile, a hug.

You end up in a kind of no-man’s land. You’re alone, but not single or fancy free, you end up at work functions, movies and sometimes even concerts on your own.
Then there’s the inevitability that your partner will make new friends and have new experiences without you; that you could be nervous and a little stiff when you meet again; and that at some stage you’ll have a conversation with a friend that includes the phrases: “I don’t know how you do it”, “Wow you must have huge phone bills” and “How do you know how he’s not cheating on you?
The only one of those worth worrying about is the phone bills.
When your best friend and lover walks out of that departure gate, it’s time to get off the mainstream networks and use phone cards and VoIP, otherwise you’ll end up with no money as well as no partner.

As for worrying about your partner cheating on you or thinking about how you “do” it, put that out of your mind. If your partner was going to cheat on you, they could do it whether you were living together and there’s no way to “do” a long-distance relationship, you just get through it little by little.

MAKE IT WORK
So how do you make a long-distance relationship work?
Be realistic: Understand that it’s sometimes going to be difficult and will always take patience and commitment.
Agree to enter into a long-distance relationship only if you have a solid foundation with your partner and know that you share trust, respect and love.
Have the tough conversation about what you want from the relationship and be clear about how it’s going to work – will you be committed to each other exclusively? How often will you communicate? How often will you travel to see each other? Will one of you consider relocating? How long are you prepared to go long distance?
Stay in touch: Once you’ve said your teary goodbyes (there’s nothing like crying on the shoulder of a Customs official to make you feel better), it’s communication time. Getting in touch with your partner shouldn’t stop at phone calls.
Try photos, videos, emails, notes, letters and present sent in the mail and inexpensive surprises.
My biggest hit? Sending a piece of paper for Valentine’s Day with a high school-style note with checkboxes asking: will you be my Valentine? Tick one for yes; tick two for yes.
Love your independence: Use your spare time to achieve career goals, exercise, learn a new skill or hobby and catch up with friends.
There’s something to be said for a relationship that’s strong enough to deal with distance and I promise, the post-abstinencw sex is good. Very good. Nothing compares 2 that.

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